Alisha

Lifestyle writer and long-time member of the ENM community. Alisha covers dating, relationships, and the swinger lifestyle with candor and zero judgment — because good information makes for better experiences.

2 minute read

There is a saying in the community: “Unicorns are not toys; they are people.” It sounds obvious, but you would be amazed at how many couples treat single women like a sex toy delivery service. They expect her to show up, perform, look pretty, and disappear when they are done.

This is not only rude; it’s unethical. If you want to be a respected couple in the lifestyle, you need to elevate your game.

1. Respect Her Autonomy

She is a full human being with her own desires, fears, and boundaries.

  • Don’t Assumption: Just because she is submissive to your husband doesn’t mean she is submissive to you (or vice versa).
  • Don’t “Pimp” Your Partner: Husbands, don’t “offer” your wife to the third. Wives, don’t “gift” the third to your husband. Only she gets to decide who she touches.

The “Guest Star” Mentality

Treat her like a guest star in your favorite show. You want her to shine. You want her to feel comfortable. You want her to come back for Season 2.

2. Safe Sex is Non-Negotiable

In a threesome, fluid dynamics (literally) get complicated.

  • Condoms, Condoms, Condoms.
  • Changing Condoms: If the male moves from one partner to another, he changes the condom. Every. Single. Time. No exceptions. This prevents cross-contamination of fluids between the women.
  • STI Testing: Show your recent results without being asked. It sets a standard of safety.

3. The “Morning After” Text

Post-play etiquette separates the amateurs from the pros.

  • Don’t Ghost: Even if it was just “okay,” send a thank you text.
  • The Follow-Up: “We hope you got home safe. Thank you for sharing your energy with us last night. We had a lovely time.”

If you don’t want to see her again, be kind but clear: “We had fun, but we don’t think the romantic connection is quite strong enough for a repeat. We wish you the best!”

4. Privacy and Discretion

She is trusting you with her reputation.

  • Don’t Kiss and Tell: Do not show her photos to your buddies. Do not brag about “nailing a unicorn” at the bar.
  • Digital Hygiene: If you took photos (with consent!), keep them in a secure folder. If she asks you to delete them, delete them immediately and confirm it.

5. Be “Couple Privileged” Aware

You have the power. You have the numbers. You have the established relationship.

  • It is your job to make her feel safe.
  • It is your job to check in on her comfort.
  • It is your job to pay for the hotel/dinner (usually).

Final Thoughts

Being a couple that seeks a third is a privilege, not a right. When you treat single women with the reverence and respect they deserve, you not only improve your own experiences but you make the entire lifestyle community a better, safer place.

🌟 Be the couple everyone wants to meet. Join SwapToll and practice ethical, respectful non-monogamy.

You may also enjoy